|
|
|
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. REAL
CAPITALISM You would
like two cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because
you don't have any cows to put up as collateral. |
|
|
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION AN
AMERICAN CORPORATION (2002 REMIX)
|
|
|
|
|
|
ENRON OR
WORLDCOM VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to
your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. Sell one cow to buy new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The
public buys your bull!
| MICROSOFT You have two cows. You make a deal with dairies to buy no one's milk
but yours. Unable to sell milk, the other cow owners sell cheese. You give away
cheese to drive them out of business. When you control dairyland you charge a
royalty on every cheeseburger and grilled cheese sandwich sold in the world. INTERNETISM You have twocows.com. You get sued for $100,000 by a company sporting a similar name claiming economic damage. You loose everything. (Thanks to Jon Kraft for this one! 24/07/02) ADVERTISING AGENCY You have two cows. You over charge people for your dairy products to finance an advertising campaign that grossly overstates the importance of milk.LAWYERISM You see two cows and note that their milk has not been labeled "Contains lactose." You find 20 lactose-intolerant people, start a class action suit against the owner of the cows, the regional dairy co-operative, the distributor and the retailer. You settle out of court for £1,000,000. Lactose intolerant milk drinkers get five quid each. You get the rest. You act surprised when the owner goes berserk and shoots his cows. You feign astonishment when the dairy co-op, the distributor and the retailer all go out of business. INDUSTRIALISM
You
have two cows. You dissect them both, and figure out
how to build E-BAYISM You
have "TWO COWS MINT RARE L@@K!!!!!!!". Two
people get into abidding war to AOL-ISM You have two cows. You paint them bright orange, stick friendly lables all over the place (such as "cow" and "pull here for milk") and market them to people as "the cow made easy". Other people call them "the cow made stupid". Unfortunately, your cows are not compatible with other cows and you are taken to court. (Thanks to Josh Pauw for this one! 29/11/02)
|
|
Select other options:
|
