Daily quote from Samuel Goldwyn,  famous film producer..


FEMINISM You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

PACIFISM You have two cows. They stampede you.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines (of non-specified gender). They get married and adopt a veal calf.


REALISATIONALISM You have two cows. They are for their calves, their milk was never meant  for human consumption!  (Thanks  to Ray Stark for this one!) 

ENVIRONMENTALISM You have two cows. The government bans you from milking
or killing them.

PSYCHOTICISM You think you have two cows. therefore you have two cows. you think!
(Thanks  to Trav Watson 23/10/02 - choosen by site visitors)  

VEGETARIANISM You have two cows. You compete with them for food.

IDEALISM You have two cows. You get married and your partner milks them.

NAIVE OPTIMISM You have two cows. You trade one to a Gypsy for seeds guaranteed to grow a beanstalk reaching up to the magic kingdom. They never sprout. You trade the second cow to the same Gypsy for seeds guaranteed to do better.

NIHILISM You have two cows. You don't milk them because they're just going to die anyway.
(Thanks  to Becky Stern 14/09/03) 

EUROPEAN UNIONISM You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that "limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows." You sell your carbon allotment, and dispose of the milk in an unlicenced landfill site.

AL QAEDAISM You have two cows. You stampede them into a building and they die. You call them martyrs, thank Allah that they are in cow paradise, and blame America for their death.

SADISM You have two cows. You shoot them both and drown yourself in their milk.

WELFARE STATE  You have two cows. You milk them and then give them each other's
milk to drink.

EXISTENTIALISM You have two cows. You declare "Hell is the cows".
(Go read up on Jean Paul Sartre if this makes no sense to you.)

CARTESIAN DUALISM You have two cows. Therefore you are.

You eat your own leg followed by a nice glass of milk.
(Thanks  to Sachit 30/09/03 with editorial modification)  

ANIMAL RIGHTIST You invade someone's pasture and set his cows free. They wander onto the highway, many people and cows die. You feel proud.

ALTERNATIVE-CULTURE Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows man. You got to have some
of this milk.

BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that they take both of them, shoots one, pours the milk down the drain. Then they require you to fill out 27 forms accounting for your missing cows.

POLYGAMY You have two cows. You buy six bulls.
(Thanks to Sally Peach 31/03/03)



SIMPSONISM You have two cows. Mmmm... Cows.

SCHIZOPHRENIA You have a cow. They have wonderful conversations with you. (Thanks to Sally Peach 31/03/03 with editorial modification)

SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.

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