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EDUCATION-ISM You have two cows. You pay for them to go to university. They come home as philosophy graduates and want to debate "The Morality Of Milk In A Cross-Species Society". Giving milk is now beneath their station in life anyway. (Thanks to JD BUZZ for this one!)
TEENAGER-ISM
You
have two cows. You raise them, clothe them, feed them until they
are almost adults. Then they start complaining about the brand
name of the grass they are eating, or the places they must accompany
you to (like the oh-so-dreadful barn or paddock). You don't know
who their other friends are or what farms they go to at night. All
you can hope is that they'll come to you for help. Finally
they become sullen and hang out with the tough cows with lots of
tattoos who only smoke the best weed. Soon your daughter cow
is coming home with a little calf of her own. (Thanks
to Dana for this one! 29/07/02)
BOY
RACER-ISM You
have two cows. You lower one, tint it's eyes, stick 'go-fast' stripes
down it's side and fit a turbocharger around it's udder. You install
a speaker system and a cd changer and frequent the local street
meets. You use the other cow for spare parts.
(Thanks
to Josh Pauw for this one! 29/11/02)
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UNIVERSITYSTUDENT-ISM
You have two cows. Because of the upcoming election,and
the issues raised by the politicians, each cow forms
their own protest group. One to support the politician,
one to counter-protest (all the time smoking a lot of
pot, drinking all the time and getting little sleep).
You care about their exams, but they are only
concerned about vocalising their rights. After a big
march in the city, you have to go to the police station
to bail out the dissident cow after it threw dung-filled
balloons at the riot police. ALGEBRA-ISM
You have two cows, x and y. You solve for cow x
in terms of cow y. You find out that cow x makes three
times as much milk as cow y minus two gallons.
ART-ISM You have two cows. You ask them to model in the nude. You paint a triangle and do an interpritave dance. MODERN
ART-ISM You
have two pieces of lawn furniture. You turn them
upside down and call them cows. Somebody pays
you $2 million for "Two Cows" and recieves
the inverted lawn furniture. They think these
are the best cows they've ever seen. The above dedicated to the memory of the almighty and much lamented Bob Ross SURVIVOR-ISM You have to cows. They get taken to a remote place and go through different challenges to win the "immunity idol". Then they vote each other off and a "jury" of other cows pick one to win a million dollars. The winner eats the money and dies from internal paper cuts and the loser goes on to make millions from sponsors and ads. MAFIA-ISM You have two cows. The Mob kills one, leaves the head under your bedsheets to persuade you to pay them 'protection milk' from the other.HOMOSEXUAL-ISM:
You have two cows. You proceed to cross-dress them in
this year’s bold new fashions until they just look FAB-YOU-LUS!
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STAR TREK-ISM Captain's log, stardate 48572.3. We have acquired two genetically enhanced cows from the alien ambassadors. We are now transporting them to Earth for use in the Federation's milk distribution program. In doing this we hope to successfully defeat the Borg despite their new pigspace technology. (Thanks to Andrew Verner for this one! 01/10/02) STAR WARS-ISM You have two cows. ' These aren't the cows you're looking for. Move along, move along'. (Thanks to Andrew Verner for this one! 01/10/02) LEETSPEAK-ISM u |-|4v 2 c0wZ. t|-|3y r0><0rz ur b0><0rs. 0t|-|3r p30p735 c0wZ 5u><0rz 4|\| r b145. (Thanks to Andrew Verner (I think) for this one! 01/10/02) ZOO-ISM You have two cows. You keep them in a confined space and charge people to see them. (Thanks to Sally Peach 31/03/03) HUNTER-ISM You have two cows. You buy a hunting license and build a tree stand. Steak is served for dinner. (Thanks to Sally Peach 31/03/03) MODEL-ISM You have two cows. They are spotted by a modeling agency. They stop eating, get utter augmentations, and begin to wear skimpy hides. One year later, you spot them on the cover of "Bovine." (Thanks to Sally Peach 31/03/03) SERIAL MILKER You have two cows. You follow them and learn their habits. One night you wear a ski-mask and milk them. No one suspects you. (Thanks to Sally Peach 31/03/03)
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