METHODISM You have two cows. They start a farm holy club, then preach throughout
the countryside until all the animals experience revival, then they all camp out together
and sing a lot.

BUDDISM You have two cows. You do not desire
their milk so you are not unhappy when it is
unavailable. Your lack of desire and dependency
on external sources of happiness is about to let you escape the cycle of life and suffering (so that you
don't get reincarnated into a cow), but then the
Chinese come and destroy or take away
everything that's yours.
 

Many thanks to
'Lunchbox ABF' and
C. M. Latsha for their contributions to this page.

UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISM You have two cows; They smoke in their religious services, and refuse to be nailed down in any belief, except that all cows will enjoy the benefits of becoming 'Filet Mignons' rather than dog food.

EPISCOPALIANISM You have Anglophile two cows. They are American, but speak with English accents, sit around and smoke the best cigars, drink the finest wine, and enjoy each other's delicious intellectualism.  On occasion they give sermons to the other cows on how to be a better steward of their money. (thanks to Sarah Mech for this one 28/09/02)
 

AMISH You have two cows. You milk them manually, transport the milk by foot or bicycle, and trade it for wood, water, and other useful things.

MORMON You have two cows. You feed them only natural foods. One is away on a two-year mission right now. You give your church one tenth of the milk your remaining cow produces.

JEHOVA'S WITNESSES You have two cows. You go door to door to see if anyone else's cows want to join yours.

SHINTO You have two cows. One rings a huge bell as the other continuously chants, "Amida Holstein".
 

ATHEISM You have two cows. The evidence is all around the farmyard, s**t everywhere, but you still don't believe they exist.

CHRISTIAN You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.

AGNOSTIC You may or may not have two cows, it's really logically impossible to determine. - OR (and I think I like this better) - You have two cows. Just by looking a them, it is impossible to determine how they came into being.

JUDAISM You have two cows. Their ancestors escaped slavery and went on to be mistreated and prosecuted throughout history. You give them a pasture, but then other animals fight over it.

PROTESTANTISM You have 2 cows, they read the bible all day, one disagrees with the other over a petty issue, one cow leaves and forms a new church.
(thanks to Jamie Artt for this one 16/10/02) 

CATHOLICISM You have two cows. You feel guilty for having cows and go to confession; your parish priest tells you that having cows is not in itself a sin in the eyes of God, but if you are feeling guilty about it, perhaps you should free the cows and say ten Hail Mary’s.

TAOISM You have two cows. A black one, and a white one. You name them yin and yang. You don't touch them for fear of making them unbalanced. You decide to meditate on the subject. (thanks to William Vexot for this one 26/09/02)
 

NEO-PAGANISM  You have two cows. You preform charms and complicated rituals to ensure their safety and health. During the full moon and on holidays you dance around them naked and decorate them with berries. while trying to heal their auras you decide they should not be caged and let them roam free. One cow strays into the road and gets hit by a truck, you only have one cow, until your next ritual calls for a sacrifice, you now have no cows.
(thanks to Amber Allen for this one 29/09/02)

BAPTIST You have two cows. They refuse to associate with any other of the livestock, and read only the oldest version of bovine truth.

ISLAM You have two cows. One refuses to join your jihad, so you kill it.
The other wears a full-length burka so as not to excite any of the bulls.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE You have two cows. One dies, but you deny that reality. The other reads 'Science and Health' and 'Key to the Scriptures' all day long.

HINDUISM You have two well-fed cows. God forbid you touch them.

Select other options: