|TALIBAN You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two. You
don't milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. At night
when no one is looking,
you milk both of them. Then you kill them and claim a US
bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
You have two cows. They start a farm holy club, then
the countryside until all the
animals experience revival, then they all camp out together
and sing a lot.
You have two cows. You do not desire
their milk so you
are not unhappy when it is
unavailable. Your lack of
desire and dependency
on external sources of happiness
is about to let you escape the cycle of life and suffering
(so that you
don't get reincarnated into a cow), but
Chinese come and destroy or take away
Many thanks to
C. M. Latsha
for their contributions to this page.
You have two cows; They smoke in their religious services,
and refuse to be nailed down in any belief, except that
all cows will enjoy the benefits of becoming 'Filet
Mignons' rather than dog food.
You have Anglophile two cows. They are American, but
speak with English accents, sit around and smoke the
best cigars, drink the finest wine, and enjoy each other's
delicious intellectualism. On occasion they give
sermons to the other cows on how to be a better steward
of their money.
to Sarah Mech for this one 28/09/02)
You have two cows. You milk them manually, transport
the milk by foot or bicycle, and trade it for wood,
water, and other useful things.
have two cows. You feed them only natural foods. One
is away on a two-year mission right now. You give your
church one tenth of the milk your remaining cow produces.
WITNESSES You have two cows. You go door to door to
see if anyone else's cows want to join yours.
You have two cows. One rings a huge bell as the other
continuously chants, "Amida Holstein".
You have two cows. The evidence is all around the farmyard,
s**t everywhere, but you still don't believe they exist.
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your
You may or may not have two cows, it's really logically
impossible to determine. - OR (and I think I like this
better) - You have two cows. Just by looking a them,
it is impossible to determine how they came into being.
You have two cows. Their ancestors escaped slavery and
went on to be mistreated and prosecuted throughout history.
You give them a pasture, but then other animals fight
You have 2 cows, they read the bible all day, one disagrees
with the other over a petty issue, one cow leaves and
forms a new church.
to Jamie Artt for this one 16/10/02)
You have two cows. You feel guilty for having cows and
go to confession; your parish priest tells you that
having cows is not in itself a sin in the eyes of God,
but if you are feeling guilty about it, perhaps you
should free the cows and say ten Hail Mary’s.
You have two cows. A black one, and a white one. You
name them yin and yang. You don't touch them for fear
of making them unbalanced. You decide to meditate on
the subject. (thanks
to William Vexot for this one 26/09/02)
You have two cows. You preform charms and complicated
rituals to ensure their safety and health. During the
full moon and on holidays you dance around them naked
and decorate them with berries. while trying to heal
their auras you decide they should not be caged and
let them roam free. One cow strays into the road and
gets hit by a truck, you only have one cow, until your
next ritual calls for a sacrifice, you now have no cows.
to Amber Allen for this one 29/09/02)
have two cows. They refuse to associate with any other
of the livestock, and read only the oldest version of
have two cows. One refuses to join your jihad, so you
The other wears a full-length burka so
as not to excite any of the bulls.
have two cows. One dies, but you deny that reality.
The other reads 'Science and Health' and 'Key to the
Scriptures' all day long.
You have two well-fed cows. God forbid you touch them.